Buy em, Sell em, Hold em with the Stavster: Southeast Division (Part 1)


Hey Guys,

It’s your favorite asshole Stavi (editors note: Scumbag Steve) back at it again.  Today, in the spirit of patriotism, we’re going to talk about an under-performing sector in the United States.  This sector is also known as the Southeast Division of the National Basketball Association.

You see, other than that team from Miami, the division is essentially a collection of dog shit for lack of a better term. Besides the Heat, no other franchise has earned a Buy rating from Cream Investments (

But as the saying goes, some pieces of shit smell better than others. Without further ado, let’s find that tiny morsel of shit.

Miami Heat: Buy

Everybody outside the 305 area code absolutely despises the squad led by LeBron James.  At the end of the day, the Heat organization employs LeBron James.  Until this changes, how could I short a franchise led by potentially the most-talented athlete ever to roam the planet? While I’d love to see the team fail as much as the next guy, I cannot responsibly bet against them.

While I do think there are some issues (Wade’s health, Chris Bosh not being extinct), there’s still upside.  I don’t think LeBron’s going anywhere next off-season.  Even if he does, I’ll still be in the green in the short-term.  While I usually don’t buy comeback stories, Greg Oden could be a game-changer in South Beach.  If he’s got anything in the tank, Miami’s cooking.

Atlanta Hawks: Hold

The Atlanta Hawks are in the midst of an overhaul that has spanned the last couple seasons.  The remarkable part is that they haven’t had to tank in the process.  Days after his hiring as GM last summer, Danny Ferry impressively rid the organization of the worst contract in basketball (Iso Joe Johnson). Ferry then proceeded to deal one of the worst picks in NBA Draft history considering the alternatives (CP3 and Dwill) to the Utah Jazz (Marvin Williams) for Devin Harris.

In the process, Ferry was able to create financial flexibility for the franchise. While Josh Smith is most likely a goner this season, the team still has the likes of Al Horford, Jeff Teague (restricted free agent) and Lou Williams.  While the chances Dwight returns to the Big Peach are slim, I still think the organization is moving in the right direction.

Why I wouldn’t necessarily buy: If the Hawks can’t make a splash, they’ll be in organizational purgatory.  In a league where drafting impact players can revolutionize a franchise in the blink of an eye, there is definitely the possibility that Atlanta will ultimately need to tank sooner or later.

Washington Wizards: Hold

I was actually hot on the Wizards until they gave Martell Webster $22 Million.  Guys, I’m only making $15 an hour. Justice in America, people.  While the veteran swingman wasn’t necessarily bad, the move isn’t what pissed me off.  The rationale and thought process of the Washington front office is what perturbs me.  Do the Wizards have a plan?

While I totally am on board with the back-court of John Wall and Bradley Beal, I didn’t love the Otto Porter selection. Once the ringleader of the Kevin Seraphin fan club, those days are long gone.  Emeka Okafor, One-Nut Nene and Trevor Booker don’t necessarily cry out intimidation on the block. Given the feeble state of Washington’s frontcourt, I would have taken a chance on Nerlens Noel or Alex Len.

Worse case scenario, you suck another year and get an Andrew Wiggins raffle ticket.  Why I won’t buy:  I think that the Wizards’ front office thinks that they’ll be good enough to sneak into the playoffs.  I don’t buy stocks that sneak into the Eastern Conference playoffs.  Have a plan, Stan.

Scary thing is, these teams are considered the “cream” of the division.  Needless to say, the NBA’s Southeast division is a prime example of the large discrepancy existing between the good and the bad.  What could be more American than that?

Have a happy and healthy 4th everybody!

Next time: a roast of Air Jordan and a trip to Disney World, or a glance at the Charlotte Bobcats (Hornets) and Orlando Magic (Illusions)


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