The Midseason Bizarro NBA Awards, Part 2

If you missed Part 1, including the Bizarro MVP and DPoY, you can check it out here.

Coach of the Year

Derek Fisher, New York Knicks

Oh boy, Derek Fisher is just the worst. There isn’t any clever way of saying this, or some silly analogy to describe how gut wrenchingly awful Fisher has been for the Knicks. I’m not 100% sure, but I think Derek is a hologram programmed by Phil Jackson to just stand on the sideline and pretend to be observant during games. If you’re debauched and disturbed enough to actually watch a New York Knickerbocker game you’ll notice that Derek Fisher does absolutely nothing during the 48 minutes. He walks the sidelines like a drone and sometimes he will call a timeout once we’ve all seen enough of Samuel Dalembert, and then he subsequently puts in Jason Smith assuming things will get better. This is because he is blindly ignorant. The Knicks are playing the triangle with the complete opposite personnel you need for that offense. Not to keep putting down Samuel Dalembert, but I’m pretty sure if we asked him how many sides a triangle has he’d get the answer wrong.

I don’t think anyone on the team really respects Fisher as a coach and he really only has his job because Steve Kerr was smart enough to not get stuck in the rat hole that is the NY Knicks franchise. The Knicks have five wins on the season and the Sixers, who are intentionally losing games, still have four wins. The Sixers payroll is also $45 million less than the Knicks. If you need more facts, here’s another. The Knicks are paying more money to Carmelo Anthony and Phil Jackson combined than the Sixers are paying to their entire roster. This has all resulted in just five wins. FIVE! There aren’t many more ways to describe the Knicks ineptitude.

These problems really aren’t Fisher’s fault, but bottom line they should be putting up a much better effort. They’re living in the Eastern Conference where 35 wins will probably get you in the playoffs. If the Knicks can’t reach that with Carmelo Anthony, I’m sorry but maybe your coach is just an inept buffoon. It’s pretty obvious Derek Fisher is Phil Jackson’s puppet, but how long until this embarrassment takes its toll and Phil needs to scapegoat someone. However, congratulations to Derek for still being employed. We might have to re-sculpt our bizarro COY trophy to include a bust of Derek Fisher’s head, because his performance this year is already legendarily awful.

6th Man of the Year

Channing Frye, Orlando Magic

In the offseason the Orlando Magic signed Channing Frye to a 4yr/$32 million contract and this was because the Orlando front office was high on mushrooms or other illegal substances at the time. Here’s the actual phone conversation between Channing Frye and Orlando GM Rob Hennigan from this offseason.

Hennigan: “Hello, Channing this is Rob Hennigan from the Orlando Magic. I’d like to talk to you about signing with us this summer. How does 4yrs/$32 million sound..?

Frye: “You had me at hello”

There really is no logical basis to this. Some people say he received the contract because he provides veteran leadership or because  three point shooting is at premium in the NBA. This all may be somewhat true, but when you’re a young team looking towards the future, you don’t bog yourself down with terrible contracts like this one. Channing Frye has now been relegated to the bench in favor of Kyle O’Quinn, and this is also because fourth overall pick Aaron Gordon has been hurt. Besides the occasional hot shooting night, Channing brings absolutely nothing to the table. He is a very poor rebounder for his size and rarely plays physical enough to earn crunch time minutes down the stretch. Frye could be a valuable asset to a good team, but Orlando isn’t good enough to where he will get a bevy of open looks while on the court.

He’s a basketball metrics disaster and an eyesore when you watch him. He’s also one of those players when you’re watching you go “wow, I didn’t know he was still in the league, good for him…he makes how much??” A great sixth man can provide scoring off the bench and lead your second unit until the starters return. Channing Frye provides semi-occasional mild scoring streaks and really does nothing else besides take away valuable minutes from young assets on the Orlando bench.

Most Improved Player

Lance Stephenson, Charlotte Hornets

WHAT?

What a hot mess this season has been for Lance and the Hornets organization. Just a few months ago we were all enthralled with Lance’s antics and the grit he brought to the table for the Indiana Pacers. He tested free agency and got a contract that he deserved at the time; unfortunately Charlotte is where basketball talent goes to die. I don’t think this season could have gone any worse for Lance. When you sign a huge new contract and then you’re the center of trade rumors 20 games into the season, there might be a problem with your performance. It really seemed like Lance was on the cusp of becoming a great player, but maybe we’re finding out that playing alongside Paul George, David West, and (good) Roy Hibbert inflates your value a little bit. There hasn’t been anyone who has taken this far of a step back in the NBA this season.

Lance is like Willie Mays Hayes in the beginning of “Major League 2”. The last season Willie garnered all sorts of fame because of his outstanding play and now he comes back to spring training and isn’t able to regain form and his ego is completely out of control.

All of those internet memes must’ve gotten to Lance’s head, and now he can’t live up to expectations. But to be fair, it’s hard for a player that is universally famous for blowing air on another player to top that kind of glory. Expectations were too high for Lance and that’s not his fault. The only way he could’ve avoided this award would be if he did the old “you got something on your shirt..” to LeBron and then ESPN did a “30 for 30” on the vaunted on court antics of Sir Lance-alot.

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